A dream so old, so distant, so almost forgotten that it’s barely a whisper of mist in the long distant past. Yet something inside me, deep inside, won’t let me forget it. Won’t let me let go of it. Won’t let it ever leave my mind, my heart. It’s always there, just inside the realm of consciousness. A quiet nagging insistence that stubbornly, determinedly refuses be forgotten. So almost forgotten it sometimes feels like it never happened, except, except for that quiet nag. I know it’s true. I know I was given the dream from the God of Heaven Himself. My heart, my spirit, they know this with a certainty, a surety that is as solid and sure as life and death.
Yet my mind wonders, worries, gnaws on the question of how? How on earth can this happen? Looking at my life, looking at my circumstances, looking at it this way and that, any way I can, even trying to see it with Heaven’s eyes I just can’t, I can’t see how it could, would, shall ever happen. It can’t, it’s impossible, it’s just can’t, it won’t happen… yet somehow, deep, deep, deep inside I have a tiny bubble of faith, hope, belief that somehow, some way, far beyond my imagination God will find a way and someday, somehow this almost forgotten dream will come true.
Watching another piece of slime slide slowly down the prison wall the how questions plague my mind again. This almost forgotten dream felt totally impossible when I was a slave but now, now as an innocent man condemned to life in prison it’s more than impossible. How? How could I ever rule over my brothers, my father? How indeed? I’m not even in the same country as them. They don’t know where I am. I don’t even know where I am, other than in a prison in Egypt somewhere… far from home, far from love and life, far from where my dream could ever come true.
Some people would ask why in my position. Why would God bring me here? Why give me a dream so many, many years ahead of it realisation? Why make it so very, very, exceedingly impossible? Why make me wait?
But I don’t ask why. My spirit knows the why. All it takes is a moment’s reflection to see why God is doing it this way. In the depth of these valleys that is my life it’s the bubble of faith in the fading mist of a dream that keeps me alive, keeps me going, gives me hope to go on.
And as vital as that hope is to my very survival, that is simply a side effect, an added bonus. The real why is deeper, more lasting, more valuable than hope.
God is changing my character, my core, who I am, how I think and feel and behave. He is changing my heart, my soul, my spirit. In the depths of these hardships unimaginable and days of utter despair and desperation I sense it’s these days, mixed with the hope of a dream, that is growing strange new things inside me. New things like gentleness, compassion, understanding of others and life, a love for the invisible ones, a softness, a meekness, a kindness, and an undeniable strength that is deep, firm and sure. Above all, my faith in God is growing, developing, solidifying. Somehow I know this is a testing furnace, a fiery place that is removing my dross and purifying me into gold.
So as I gnaw again on the question of how God will make this dream come true, and even chew on the when, I know my almost forgotten dream will certainly come true in His time, in His way, in His very best how because I see that He’s also put His very best why into action.
And I am excited, once again, by the hope and the love given to me by God in a simple, almost forgotten dream.
This reflection on the musings of Joseph are inspired by Psalm 105:19 and Job 23:10.