Jumped by Jealousy

Jealousy is pounding me in the guts today. Envy has my one arm pinned to the wall while Pride imprisons the other. While Jealousy punches with aims to rupture my spleen, Envy and Pride jeer, waiting for me to fall so they can kick me while I’m down.

I should have seen them stalking me in the shadows as I walked home alone in the darkness. I know I brought this fight upon myself. I can already feel the bruises forming and taste the blood on my lips. I own that it is my fault for being caught and bullied by these thugs.

It matters not what I am jealous about. It matters that I know the source and can maybe choose a different path next time.

This all starts with comparison. Jealousy, Envy and Pride love to bully and taunt at me that my life is less than someone else’s. They deride my value and speak disrespectfully about my blessings. They attack old wounds and weak spots. Like all good baddies, they have done their stalking research and know my vulnerabilities.

I’ve been bullied by them before. I’ve let them get into my head and my heart. I’ve listened to their lies and believed their words about my worthlessness. I know what they say is untrue but today I have been listening, and believing, their accusations. I’ve been looking at what someone else has and as Prince Caspian says “I’ve been focusing on what I have lost, not what I have been given.”

When we compare our lives and ourselves to others we usually only compare a) their ‘good’ stuff versus our ‘bad’ stuff; and b) we forget about their ‘bad’ stuff altogether. I look at their big house and fancy car and compare it to mine, not remembering that their dysfunctional marriage and family is barely holding together as they work like slaves to pay for this mask of success. I see their comments on Facebook that tell of a ‘perfect’ marriage but have no concept of the illnesses they struggle with every day. I look at the opportunities they have, with no thought or concept to the cost involved.

Jealousy, Envy and Pride want to ground my face in the dirty mud of comparison and make me forget that after all, this is not my life, so does it matter how it compares to another? If I truly gave my life to the Lord Jesus Christ, as I claim, then surely this is His life to do with as He wishes, not mine. Is it even my place to compare it with anyone else’s? I think not.

As Aslan said in The Horse and His Boy “I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.” As Jesus said to Peter “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you?” (John 21:23)

It’s the comparison game that opens the door to Jealousy, Envy and Pride in our lives. It’s choosing not to trust Jesus with our lives and not believing that He will “work all things together for good, to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.” (Romans 8:28).

I hear Jesus say to me today “Oh ye Gail of little faith.” His voice is gentle, His eyes full of love, His hand outstretched to escort me home. I choose to stand up, move away from the wall, throw Jealousy, Envy and Pride off and trusting not in comparisons or in myself, but in my Savour and His love for me, walk home arm in arm with Him.

Have you struggled with the comparisons game? Have you noticed that  jealousy likes to hit you in your most vulnerable areas? Share you thoughts below.

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