Share Your Advice on New Relationships

I went to another Bridal Shower today. After a veritable drought over the last few years, my next batch of friends are getting married and so Bridal Showers, Hen’s Nights and Kitchen’s Teas regularly fill spots in my weekend calendar. Once again I was asked to offer the Bride some advise and fortunately I’ve gathered a bit of wisdom to share over the years so I enjoyed having my say. Along with my gems there were the standard pieces of advise:

  • Never go to bed angry.
  • Be quick to forgive.
  • Always assume your sweetheart has your best interest at heart, even when you don’t understand.
  • Communicate, communicate, communicate!
  • Couples who pray together, stay together.
  • Keep your spouse as your first priority (after God of course).
  • Have fun together.

As I drove home I got to thinking about how, even though the wisdom past on at these events can be golden (if applied), for some couples patterns (good and bad) have already been set in the relationships by the time they reach the Bridal Shower day, so maybe the wisdom comes a bit late. This led me to ponder the beginning of relationships and if wisdom from others could make a bigger difference then.

What do you think? What advise would you give couples who are starting a relationship?

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11 thoughts on “Share Your Advice on New Relationships

  1. I STILL feel that it should be WAY harder to get married. If there was SOMEONE you TRUSTED, who could be perfectly straight with you, to tell you how they, from the out looking in, see things, perhaps there would be less weddings and more fun times with great friends. Someone I have known since she was about 8, married a man I did/do not like. I bit the bullet and told her WHAT I was thinking, and HOW I felt about the decision she was making. She did NOT listen, and moved out of my home a few days later. She married him, and now 2 years later I am crushed to find out that I was SO right. WHY did I not get throught to her? WHAT WOULD have got the message through? I get NO pleasure out of ‘I told you so’…..

    • It takes a lot of courage to not only ask, but also receive others advise and views on your relationship. When you are “blinded by love” it can be very difficult to hear anything negative – even if it’s a simple “he’s just not into you”. As friends and family we should tell our friends if we have concerns about their relationships, and then allow them to make their own decisions about what to do. If they are wrong and we are right and it ends up in tears, our role then is one of love and caring, never “I told you so”.

      Do you agree with this?

  2. If you at least agree to talk about it tomorrow, both will feel ‘heard’ and may even, after having had time to THINK without the heat of the moment flustering and thereby clouding sane thinking, change their opinion. Problem ‘Solvered’!

    I think it should be a LOT HARDER to GET married!!!! Some may then realise that they are not ‘ In Love’ but ‘In Lust’!!

    • Or that they just want a wedding, or babies, or sex, or some other thing that is not a reason to get married and in turn break someone’s heart.

      Even when we marry for the wrong reasons, if both parties submit to God and ask for His help He can take their dross and turn it into something magnificient.

  3. Walk with the Wise! I have to agree that watching how someone treats others is VERY important. I almost did not have a second date with my husband b/c he was curt with the waitress….It turned out that he was just nervous. But, he was kind to others, so I gave him another chance! I think that is great advice that we just do not think to do when picking anyone for a relationship.

    • Grace in action – giving your date a second chance paid off 🙂 I know my borther-in-law spent a bit of time observing my sister and our family before he asked her on their first date. It meant he knew a bit about her character before she even knew he was interested. It has made me wonder who else he may have considered and decided against too…

  4. So when you say sharing wisdom sooner, how would you suggest that would work? I mean, you can’t assume a couple will last forever from the get go, so what wisdom would you give a couple just starting out?

    • Good questions Sarah. But maybe we should assume a couple will last (particularly if we are part of it) from the get go? Maybe we would be more cautious or use more wisdom before starting a relationship if we thought it would last forever?

      Here’s an example of some beginning relationship advise I learnt from my brother-in-law. He said to observe the way the person treats others, particularly people with disabilities and the underprivileged. This shows their character and if they are kind. loving, patient or not.

  5. -I think sometimes it is okay to go to bed angry. This may sound odd, but I think we all need time to think, cool off and articulate my feelings at times. I do not believe it should be a regular occurrence, but it is not the end of the world, as couples have been told.
    -Voice things you do not like! I know this is a part of communicating, but couples do not do this and creates even larger issues!
    – Do look out for hobbies and new things to enjoy together.
    – Equality goes a long way, for example cleaning the home.

    • Great ideas!

      At the shower I was at, one of the long time happily married wives clarified that if you can’t solve a problem before bedtime, at least agree to solve the problem another day so that it doesn’t cost you sleep. Do you think that would work too?

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